Kimhild and Beyhild
Reading documents from a thousand years ago is hard. The names are unfamiliar, the culture foreign, and the speaking patterns antiquated, even if you understand the language. Some have stepped in to open these sources to more people. Historians try to contextualize the period while translators bring the language to a modern audience. The story they tell is, however, too often academic and inaccessible to the general public. Thereby these treasures remain in elite classrooms and lecture halls away from the public. I want to rectify this by retelling the encounter of Kriemhild and Brunhild so all who wish to understand can access the essence of meeting between queens.
The year is 2000 and Queen Beyoncé is a rising star as the lead singer of Destiny’s Child. She is worshipped in her kingdom. She is a strong woman who does not rely on men to achieve her goals and this makes her very attractive to a rapper known as Jay-Z. Worried that he will not be able to earn the respect of such an incredible woman, Jay-Z enlists Kanye West to help him woo Beyoncé. However, Kanye is unwilling to offer his services for free. In exchange for helping Jay-Z win Beyoncé, Kanye demands that Jay-Z arrange a marriage between him and another queen, Kim Kardashian. Jay-Z agrees and flies with Kanye to Texas, where Beyoncé rules.
Upon their arrival, Beyoncé decides to challenge Jay-Z to a rap battle in order to prove he is a worthy match for her. During mic check, Jay-Z realizes he is no match for Beyoncé and will easily be bested in the battle. Unwilling to lose, he and Kanye concoct a plan. Jay-Z will lip sync on stage while Kanye actually raps behind stage. They tell Beyoncé that Kanye is nothing more than an audio producer and so should manage the competition behind stage. The battle begins on stage. Kanye, who is actually the greatest rapper of all time and a king in his own right, barely bests Beyoncé. Thinking she lost to Jay-Z, Beyoncé agrees to marry him immediately.
The night after their wedding, Beyoncé asks Jay-Z to sing her to sleep and even though he tries, it is clear to her that he has no real talent. She kicks him out of the bedroom. Jay-Z then once again recruits Kanye to stand in for him. The next night, Jay-Z lets Kanye into the bedroom secretly. Once Beyoncé arrives and once again asks for him to sing, Jay-Z turns off the lights and switches places with Kanye. Satisfied with the song Kanye sings, Beyoncé drifts off to sleep and Kanye leaves, but not before he takes the ring off her pinky finger.
Returning to California, Kanye goes on a date with Queen Kim as set up by Jay-Z. Kim rules over southern California with a massive fan base. They hit it off and immediately marry. They have a happy marriage while in Texas, Beyoncé is becoming suspicious of Jay-Z and his unwillingness to sing to her. He gives every excuse from feeling ill to being tired to not wanting to sing. When she learns that Kanye, who she believes is a low-level producer for Jay-Z, has married another queen, she becomes certain that there is some sort of deception. In order to test Jay-Z and Kanye, she invites Kanye and Kim to Texas for a birthday party.
Arranging the seating for the party, Beyoncé places Kim and Kanye in the back while putting the queens and kings of the music industry at the front of the room. Learning this, Kim confronts Beyoncé to say that Kanye should be placed next to Jay-Z since they are both on the top of their game. Beyoncé laughs and points out that Kanye is nothing more than a lowly producer. Affronted, Kim shows her the ring she is wearing. It is the ring Kanye stole from Beyoncé’s hand! Kim proceeds to tell the story of how Kanye and Jay-Z conned Beyoncé. Kim calls Beyoncé a whore who could not tell the difference between her own husband and a stranger. This breaks Beyoncé and she collapses into tears. From a powerful queen to a broken person, Beyoncé falls to the floor. As she pulls herself to her feet, she resolves to take revenge on those who had wronged her and rise above them all.
The story of Beyoncé and Kim is the story of Brunhild and Kriemhild. It is the story of powerful queens and manipulations by kings. The goal of this retelling is to illuminate the lessons of these queens for a modern audience. This retelling in particular hopes to demonstrate the agency of queens and the political games they play.
The year is 2000 and Queen Beyoncé is a rising star as the lead singer of Destiny’s Child. She is worshipped in her kingdom. She is a strong woman who does not rely on men to achieve her goals and this makes her very attractive to a rapper known as Jay-Z. Worried that he will not be able to earn the respect of such an incredible woman, Jay-Z enlists Kanye West to help him woo Beyoncé. However, Kanye is unwilling to offer his services for free. In exchange for helping Jay-Z win Beyoncé, Kanye demands that Jay-Z arrange a marriage between him and another queen, Kim Kardashian. Jay-Z agrees and flies with Kanye to Texas, where Beyoncé rules.
Upon their arrival, Beyoncé decides to challenge Jay-Z to a rap battle in order to prove he is a worthy match for her. During mic check, Jay-Z realizes he is no match for Beyoncé and will easily be bested in the battle. Unwilling to lose, he and Kanye concoct a plan. Jay-Z will lip sync on stage while Kanye actually raps behind stage. They tell Beyoncé that Kanye is nothing more than an audio producer and so should manage the competition behind stage. The battle begins on stage. Kanye, who is actually the greatest rapper of all time and a king in his own right, barely bests Beyoncé. Thinking she lost to Jay-Z, Beyoncé agrees to marry him immediately.
The night after their wedding, Beyoncé asks Jay-Z to sing her to sleep and even though he tries, it is clear to her that he has no real talent. She kicks him out of the bedroom. Jay-Z then once again recruits Kanye to stand in for him. The next night, Jay-Z lets Kanye into the bedroom secretly. Once Beyoncé arrives and once again asks for him to sing, Jay-Z turns off the lights and switches places with Kanye. Satisfied with the song Kanye sings, Beyoncé drifts off to sleep and Kanye leaves, but not before he takes the ring off her pinky finger.
Returning to California, Kanye goes on a date with Queen Kim as set up by Jay-Z. Kim rules over southern California with a massive fan base. They hit it off and immediately marry. They have a happy marriage while in Texas, Beyoncé is becoming suspicious of Jay-Z and his unwillingness to sing to her. He gives every excuse from feeling ill to being tired to not wanting to sing. When she learns that Kanye, who she believes is a low-level producer for Jay-Z, has married another queen, she becomes certain that there is some sort of deception. In order to test Jay-Z and Kanye, she invites Kanye and Kim to Texas for a birthday party.
Arranging the seating for the party, Beyoncé places Kim and Kanye in the back while putting the queens and kings of the music industry at the front of the room. Learning this, Kim confronts Beyoncé to say that Kanye should be placed next to Jay-Z since they are both on the top of their game. Beyoncé laughs and points out that Kanye is nothing more than a lowly producer. Affronted, Kim shows her the ring she is wearing. It is the ring Kanye stole from Beyoncé’s hand! Kim proceeds to tell the story of how Kanye and Jay-Z conned Beyoncé. Kim calls Beyoncé a whore who could not tell the difference between her own husband and a stranger. This breaks Beyoncé and she collapses into tears. From a powerful queen to a broken person, Beyoncé falls to the floor. As she pulls herself to her feet, she resolves to take revenge on those who had wronged her and rise above them all.
The story of Beyoncé and Kim is the story of Brunhild and Kriemhild. It is the story of powerful queens and manipulations by kings. The goal of this retelling is to illuminate the lessons of these queens for a modern audience. This retelling in particular hopes to demonstrate the agency of queens and the political games they play.
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